


I'll tell him I'm scared

by Alex456w



Series: TELL HIM... [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crying, Dreams, Hugs, Love, M/M, Roses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-14 19:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7186226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex456w/pseuds/Alex456w
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waking up could end this perfect life, waking up could take Dean away from Castiel, again....</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll tell him I'm scared

 

Castiel was looking firmly at the stars, they glowed so beautifully, he realized how strange it was that over the last 100 years or so, he didn't stop once to gaze at the stars, was there a reason? Well, the idea of being alone can sometimes take away the simplest of joys.

But all that changed, and he had a motive to watch the stars now, and that motive was the man sitting next to him, green eyes glowing in the dark as they reflected the night sky, it was such a beautiful sight, Castiel could see it for hours, he could watch Dean for all eternity, or for as long as this dreamful paradise lasted.

Dean noticed Castiel watching him, he blushed intensively as those blue eyes fixated on him, it felt so good, and so intimidating at the same time, he never saw something so beautiful like Castiel's eyes. Even in his heaven, nothing was ever this beautiful.

"I really enjoy this, Dean." Castiel finally said.

Dean didn't respond, instead, he approached Castiel, he locked his lips against his, closing his eyes as his angel gasped for air.

"I love you, Cas." Dean said against Castiel's lips.

"I love you too, Dean."

Castiel's eyes were suddenly full of tears, Dean instantly became worried.

"Baby, what is it, tell me, is something wrong?"

"Dean, these last few days, they have been the most beautiful moments ever, but I'm afraid... afraid of it ending."

"Cas, please,  don't think of that right now."

"What else can I think about, Dean, when this dream ends, I will go back to wandering the earth, and you will go back to heaven, we will not see each other until the end of times, and that could be forever, Dean."

Dean held back the tears, he wrapped his arms around his angel, just embracing him, with all his might.

"Listen to me, Cas, even if this dream does end, no one will ever be able to take these moments from us, okay? I'm gonna wait for you, for all freaken eternity if I have to, and I'll do it with aa lot of goddamn joy, every day..."

"Why would you accept such a horrible fate, Dean, and for someone like me?" Castiel asked. "You could be with anyone else in heaven, maybe even Lisa."

Dean simply chuckled, "Because I love _you,_ and only you, you idiot, I'd wait for you everyday, even if that meant waiting for you for all eternity."

Castiel looked firmly into Dean's eyes, they stared at each other for a long while, not saying or expressing a single word. Finally, Dean spoke up.

"You wanna go inside and watch a movie?"

"Yes, Dean, I would very much enjoy that."

Dean got up, he pulled Castiel up with him, then lead him into the house holding his hand firmly, Castiel really loved holding Dean's hand, it was one of those small details that made everything better, it was really something special for both of them.

They sat down on the living room couch, Dean began searching for a movie on the television, Castiel observed the clock, 4 am, only a few hours until he had to take Claire to school. 

Neither Dean nor Castiel ever thought it was strange that neither of them ever slept, they had been in this dream for about 8 days, and not even a single nap has been taken since then. 

It was mainly because they were both scared that if they went to sleep, they would wake up back in reality, Castiel on earth, and Dean on heaven. Dean probably wouldn't confess it, but they were both terrified of that happening.

They decided to watch the lovely bones, why? Neither of them knew, but it seemed suitable, heaven, grief, they weren't even aware of how screwed this situation had them.

The movie was somewhat interesting, Dean actually found some points of it as enjoyable, although the ending was beginning to bored him, Castiel noticed it, but really didn't pay attention, that was until he noticed Dean drifting off. Dean would look over at CAstiel, and when Castiel faced Dean, Dean would pretend to be falling asleep, this of course was not of Castiel's liking.

"Dean, please stop that."

"Cas, c'mon, it's not like I'm just gonna fall asleep because I pretend to do it."

Castiel didn't respond, he knew maybe Dean was right, but what if the worst were to happen, he didn't want to even imagine it.

Dean stopped bothering Castiel, but a few minutes later, he found himself feeling a bit tired, something that had been new to him for some time now, he tried shaking it off and enjoying the rest of the movie.

But it turned out, that wasn't enough, all Dean did was close his eyes, and suddenly he was beginning to disappear, if it weren't for Castiel's screaming, he wouldn't have woken up.

Dean regained consciousness, he found himself on the floor of the living room, Castiel was hugging him, but it was a tight grip, he was shaking, in fact, he was crying.

"Cas, Cas! Look at me, I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere ok? Baby, I'm still here."

Castiel couldn't stop shaking, he had once again felt the horrible sensation of watching Dean leave him, just like it had happened hundreds of years ago.

"Cas? Please, look at me Cas."

Castiel looked directly into Dean's eyes, the horror that was in them could be seen by Dean, all he could do was hug the frightened angel, and not let him go.

 

A few hours went by, morning arrived, Claire was ready to go to school, she woke up enthusiastic as always, happy about having another excellent day, but the sight of her daddies crying on the floor of living room, made that change completely.

"Daddy, is everything okay?" She asked as she pulled onto Dean's shirt, the little girl was scared, though she didn't really show it.

Dean looked up, for a sheer moment, he had completely forgotten about their sweet baby Claire, "Everything's alright, pumpkin, your daddy Castiel and I are just hugging." He lied.

"Can I hug you too?" Claire's innocence did not allow her to see the suffering her daddies were going through, but Castiel wouldn't allow her to see it.

"Sure you can, Claire Bear." Castiel looked up, drying his tears as his little girl approached, he did his best not to cry, and fortunately he didn't.

"So," Dean said, breaking the silence, "ready for school pumpkin?"

Claire nodded happily, "Yes, I'm ready."

"Alright then, I'll meet you in the car." Dean said.

"Can I drive?" Claire asked.

"We'll discuss that after school." Dean told the little girl.

"FIne."

"Alright, say goodbye to your daddy."

Claire hugged Castiel once again, she smiled as she ran out the door. Dean faced Castiel the moment Claire left the house, his concern was still overtaking his sanity, both of them were suffering.

"I'll be back as soon as I take Claire to school."

Castiel only nodded, he dried the remaining tears from his eyes, trying to act as calm as possible.

Dean kissed his angel, a long and delicate kiss, he almost felt horrible for having to step away, but he had to take Claire to school. "I promise I'll be back soon, he said. Castiel could only nod.

 

It had only been ten minutes since Dean had left, and Castiel was already suffering his absence, it felt as if he was in reality again, alone and without Dean, without anyone he loved. Those things destroyed him, knowing that those nightmares, were the reality of his life, knowing that the fear of solitude was the only future that was certain for him. How can one go on like that?

He tried thinking of something else, like what he would be making for dinner, he wanted to make something delicious for Claire, she deserved the best, Dean deserved the best, he loved them, and he wouldn't let them now, it would be wrong, and he didn't want that.

 

Dean left Claire at her elementary school, as he was driving through the highway, his mind kept on thinking about what had happened, the fear he saw in Castiel, he didn't remember ever seeing that expression on Castiel's face, ever. 

Dean didn't know what he could do, how could he promise anything to his angel, knowing that all this, their car, their house, their beautiful daughter, it was all just a fucking dream. The moment they'd wake up, it would all be gone, he'd be in heaven, alone, sure, he had Sam, Bobby, Jo, his parents, but it wasn't the same, it would never be the same without his angel.

He's already gone more than 200 years without him, one would think that the idea of them being apart would be acceptable at this point, but that was pure bullshit, Dean needed to wake up next to Castiel everyday, he needed Castiel to be there whenever something up in heaven made him feel wrong about himself, he needed to see those majestic blue eyes, he needed all of that, every single day for the rest of eternity. But all he got, was the promise of an eternity without his blue eyed angel, how could he possibly go on? It was a stupid assumption, because Dean already he couldn't go on.

The last 200 years, he would relisten to the messages the butterflies carried, it was an easy way to remember Castiel's voice, but it was never the same.

They do say that whenever one feels stuck, a good drive can clear up minds, and that's exactly what had happened, it was as if an epiphany has struck directly towards Dean's judgment. The cruel reality of them waking up was inevitable, but that didn't mean it had to be complete misery for them both throughout eternity.

It was a crazy idea, but it might just work, it might just make there future a bit more bright. He hoped.

 

Dean arrived a half hour later, when he entered the house, he could notice the smell, it was delicious yet overwhelming. He entered the kitchen, finding his sweet angel cooking some spaghetti.

Castiel noticed Dean's presence, but he was determined to finish food for Dean and Claire, so he said hi in a short tone, "I'm glad you're back, I'm just making some food for you and Claire bear."

"Cas," Dean began saying, he was worried for Castiel, "um, you got a minute, I want to show you something."

"Sorry, Dean, but I have to finish this, I want it to be perfect."

"Cas, you can finish later, c'mon."

"I promise I'll finish soon, whatever it is, it can wait." 

"Castiel, please..." Dean approached the nervous angel, placing a hand on his shoulder, making Castiel drop the spaghetti,

"Oh, what a mess." Castiel said, he instantly began cleaning, rushed as if time were to end. 

"Cas, let me help you." Dean said, trying to put on a hand on the spilled spaghetti.

Castiel stopped him, "No, let me, I can do this."

"Cas, I'm serious."

"I'm fine, I'm fine."

"Cast, please, look at me." Dean insisted, placing a hand on Castiel's shoulder, again.

"I don't have time, Dean, I..."

"Cas, for fucks sake, look at me!! Please!!" Dean's voice broke, he couldn't handle watching Castiel act like this. "Just please, baby look at me, please!"

Castiel faced the hunter, his blue eyes drowning in tears, he didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to react, but then again, neither of them did.

"Dean, I'm scared." 

Dean kissed Castiel, their tears flowing down their cheeks, what they wouldn't give for this moment to last forever.

"You wanted to show me something?" Castiel asked, parting lips from Dean

Dean led Castiel outside, towards the front yard, Castiel didn't understand, at least not at first, he then noticed them , as red as a young man's blood, roses, beautiful roses, planted all over.

"Dean, how did you find time to do this?"

"The advantages of a dream." Dean responded

Dean took Castiel's hand, showing him the roses. "I want to show you how to garden them, for a very important reason."

Castiel looked very confused, what reason could be that important? He did as told however, Dean had a plan and Castiel wasn't going to interrogate it, not now.

Dean began explaining the basic, when to water them, when to feed them, how to prune them, avoiding parasites, and much more.

Castiel observed and payed much attention to Dean's words, he memorized every detail, every single little one, it honestly fascinated him all the cares that a simple rose could need, he was very much happy and interested in doing this by himself someday.

Dean smiled at the way Castiel payed attention to him, he felt a warmth inside, knowing that Castiel might actually go on with this idea, once they wake up. That last part of cruel reality was still harsh on him, but he knew the truth of it all, and he Castiel did too.

A few hours later, Castiel and Dean sat in front of the roses, cuddling and smiling, these moments were worth everything, the constant threat of them being separated for eternity, made them actually appreciate the little things, it was pretty much necessary for what Dean was about to say.

"Did you like learning about the roses?"

"Yes, Dean, I very much enjoyed it, and I hope to soon be doing it on my own." The beautiful angel smiled. 

"I'm really glad, Cas, cause that's something I need to talk to you about..."

"What is it, Dean?"

"I want you... I want us... to wake up."

**Author's Note:**

> depending on how I write it, next part could be the final part of this series...


End file.
